Love under Siege

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2011-01-25-editorial25_ST_N.htm

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/2011-01-26-column26_ST1_N.htm


Love is under siege by love.

Recently read both these articles on education reform.  The first one I found the most shocking, with their argument that because 41% of kids are born out of wedlock, there is a big problem and it starts in the home.  It is a well written article that I think really shows the problem.  Child rearing isn't easy when there are 2 parents in the home, and it is only more difficult when there is only one.  You can't expect the education system to be able to replace good parenting.
The problem is that here in America we are rapidly loosing our ability to Love.  We have tried to replace it with love and we search everywhere for it.  We have replaced Love the Verb, with love the feeling.  Love is not simply some feeling we chase, it is an action, it is a way of life.  We can capture love for a little bit and then it seems to fade.  We hope the next time we find love that it will be different, but we are only fooling ourselves. It will always be the same, because Love isn't about what the other person can and should do for me (an entitlement) it is about what I can do for them and about what we can become.  We have failed to grasp the difference between the two forms of love, and we think that because we can't have love we are unable to Love.  When in fact it is the other way around, we can only find love if we are Lovers.  Practicing true life changing, life sacrificing, Love.  How will the next generation be able to learn how to Love if all we can teach them about is love?  It's amazing that if I do something out of Love for another person, I will (99% of the time) feel more love toward them (now if I do it for love, I often won't feel more love).  It is in the act of learning to surrender my will for someone else's that I will be able to experience love.  If we can't find it is us to Love a spouse, how are we going to find it in us to Love a child?
This is also about commitment.  When kids are born and the parents don't stay together, one doesn't even keep in touch, what does that teach the kids about commitment, responsibility or so many other virtues? It teaches them that its okay to run when the going gets tough, someone else will take care of the 'mistakes.'  We will end up with a bunch of kids that quit when something gets tough, they won't know how to stick it out, how to make it better, how to enjoy a hard job well done.  We set them up to fail in everything that they do. 
We need to get back to learning how to keep commitments even when its hard, get back to Loving those that are around us and when that happens schools will improve. 
Love means knowing when to say no and when to say yes to the child depending on what is best (in the long term normally) for the child.  Too often I see parents teach their kids that if they complain they will get their way, and that is not Love.
Without this issue being address the education system will not be able to improve, no matter how much money gets thrown at it.  Love is not a problem that money can fix.  It is a choice that each of us make every minute of every day.  Is this going to be a minute that I Love or is this going to be a minute that I choose my way? 


The Second article isn't quite as good, but makes some good points.  The biggest point is that any reform of the education system that is "safe" isn't going to do much.  What we need is a radical change in how we educate our students. 
My mom works at a local elementary school and in Kindergarten they have to teach most of the kids the alphabet, how to write their name and (I have many three year-olds in my daycare that can both of those) many other basics that should be required to get into school.  I'm convinced that a portion of the troubled kids just get board.  This is because the schools teach to the lowest common denominator,  instead of being able to challenge students to learn, they have to teach to a lower level so that some kids don't feel stupid.  Instead of treating the kids like sheep, we need to be able to teach them at their level.  Its a hard balance to walk, we had a kid come to our daycare one summer, third grade, and couldn't read (completely unacceptable).  He continued to get pushed to the next grade without this basic skill, and he will continue to fall further and further behind because he can't read. 
Reform has to start in the home as mentioned above, but then we need to focus on getting the students the skills they need.  Forget grade numbers, students should be in groups where they are able to be challenged at their own level in each subject.  Some kids are going to excel in math, then challenge them to excel even more, and some kids will struggle with it.  So then we need to find ways to challenge them to (1) want to succeed (half the battle normally) and (2) work with them at their level so that they can catch up.  In every subject I think this is the way it should be.  You still spend the same amount of time on each subject as you normally would (so they don't get too lopsided), but they get to be challenged in every subject throughout the day. 
We have a lot of work to do in reforming the education system to be able to catch the rest of the world in education, and we need people that will be willing to take risks to make the system better.